41 "FACTS" ABOUT WOMEN

  1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like
     they're actually in control.

  2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so
     don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

  3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in
     the closet; you "just don't understand".

  4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can
     hear them.

  5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to
     trap you into feeling guilty.

  6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill
     it, even if they have nothing to say.

  7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's
     why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

  8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more
     physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man
     *wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

  9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
     there's a spider or a wasp involved.

 10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they
     don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or
     three people.

 11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to
     gossip.

 12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing.
     It might be the lottery calling.

 13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
     wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

 14. Women think all beer is the same.

 15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the
     shower.

 16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain
     forest.

 17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that
     allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them
     of how horrible things *could* be.

 18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes
     and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip
     she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like
     wearing each day.

 19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.

 20. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea
     about how she'll be in bed.

 21. Women are paid less than men, except for modeling.

 22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility.

 23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"

 24. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet.

 25. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of
     getting lost using a shortcut.

 26. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question 'How do I look?'

 27. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means
     that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.)

 28. The first naked man a woman sees is "Ken", and expects all men to look the
     same.

 29. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast-size.

 30. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

 31. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it
     does in man-language.

 32. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

 33. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the
     direction that they are heading.

 34. All women are overweight by definition. Don't argue with them about it.
 
 35. If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can
     probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

 36. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into
     the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.

 37. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".

 38. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
     toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid
     to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (Which gets them
     in more trouble.)

 39. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a
     flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
     "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it
     themselves.

 40. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men
     arrested.

 41. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to
     the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
     Gilbert Gottfried, do you?