Washington State College & University Directory.

 This directory is designed to help people who have not decided on which
 institute to attend.

 CENTRAL WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

 Ever have the fascination of living in a small community with a bunch of
 people who are all related? Do you like the rodeo? Have you ever wanted to
 wear tight jeans with little circles worn into the back pockets and a belt
 with a buckle the size of your head holding them up? When you graduate do you
 want to pursue a career in owning a tire dump, working fast food, or 7-11 hot
 cheese dispensor repair? If this is true come to Central.

 EASTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

 Did you do poorly on your SAT? Are you a football player who couldn't play
 division 1A & still have the dream of making it to the NFL? Do you want the
 same education of a two year community college rolled into four? Well, come to
 Eastern.

 THE EVERGREEN STATE COLLEGE

 Ever think communism was a good idea? Do you like eating tofu & dating women
 with hairy legs? Ever think of joining a radical leftist group? Do you still
 live in the sixties? Did you hate getting grades in school? Does the idea of
 unemployment interest you? If these are true, come to TESC.

 GONZAGA UNIVERSITY

 Are you catholic and are being pressured by church and/or parents to go to a
 catolic school? Do you want to go to stay in Washington? If this is true you
 have to go to Gonzaga or you will have sinned. We are not Notre Dame, but hey
 we are your only option in this state.

 PACIFIC LUTHEREN UNIVERSITY

 Do your parents hate the idea of you attending a state university and you
 can't get accepted to any good private schools out of state? Do you like high
 school football? Do you hate having a social life? Come to PLU.

 ST. MARTINS UNIVERSITY

 Have you ever wanted to live in a city that is just a bunch of crappy strip
 malls? Do you get rejected by Central and Eastern? Ever dream of playing
 college basketball but you suck? Do you like making fun of goofy monks who
 have devoted their life to god and guard a cemetary? Come to St. Martins.

 SEATTLE UNIVERSITY

 Did you not get accepted into the University of Washington? Do you still want
 to go to college in Seattle? Do you want to go to a school that gives you the
 education of a public school for the same price as a private school? Come to
 Seattle U.

 SEATTLE PACIFIC UNIVERSITY

 Do you want to impress your friends and go to a university that no one has
 heard of? Do you like going to a college that is smaller than your high
 school? Do you want to know everyone in the school on the first day of class?
 Come to SPU.

 UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

 Do you like people? Does the prospects of having lots of people in your
 classes sound like fun? How about even more people in your classes? Did you
 not get accepted into MIT or Harvard and are pissed at the world and want to
 go to a public university that has a false image of a world class institute?
 Do you want to be a doctor and major in pre-med in a school with a first class
 med school that doesn't accept any undergraduates from the same school? Well,
 come to Washington.

 UNIVERSITY OF PUGET SOUND

 Do you have lots of money? Do you have so much money that you do not know what
 do do with it? If this is true come to UPS and we will help solve these
 problems.

 WALLA WALLA COLLEGE

 Do you like the small town life? I mean real small. Do you want to go to a
 school that is worse than the local community college? Come to Walla Walla.

 WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY

 Want to major in agirculture? Do you like cheese? Ever want to drink a lot of
 cheap beer? Do you like passing out? Do you want to go a university located
 close to another university with people just as unemployable as you? Come to
 WSU.

 WESTERN WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

 Do you want to be a teacher? Did you you like high school? How about another
 five years of it? Come to Western.

 WHITMAN COLLEGE

 Do you have the grades to get in to almost any university in the country? Do
 you want to go to a school full of people like this in a town so pathetic that
 you are forced to hang out with them? Do you lack a social life and want to
 come to a place with people so unsocial you immedately become social? Come to
 Whitman.

 WHITWORTH COLLEGE

 Do you like to pray? Did you wish you could attend church more than one day a
 week? How about church every day? Come to Whitworth.

 I hope this guide helps you in your decision.