NPR VIRUS: Program stops every 7 minutes and asks for money.

 AT&T VIRUS: Interrupts you every three minutes to tell you what great service
 you're getting.

 OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 250Mb drive suddenly shrinks to 80Mb then slowly
 expands back to 250Mb before you're really aware of it.

 HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for four hours (after hours of waiting)
 finds nothing wrong, then sends you a bill for $4,000.

 CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Computer locks up, screen splits into two images, same
 message appears on each side of the screen blaming the gridlock on the other
 side.

 GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: Boldly states, "read my docs... no new files!" then
 proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files,
 blaming it on the Congressional Virus."

 CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in all
 games and spreadsheets, but you still love it.

 NEW YORK JETS VIRUS: Makes your Pentium perform like an AT.

 JIMMY HOFFA Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

 KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Your computer shuts down in an act of mercy.

 STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system where no virus has gone before.

 PAUL REVERE VIRUS: Revolutionary Virus... Does not horse around, but warns you
 of impending hard disk attack: Once if by LAN; Twice if by 'C'

 POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a virus, instead
 referring to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

 ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, then quits just
 after boot up.

 MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: Probably a virus, but nobody knows for sure.  You can't get
 it to run.

 TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome viruses.

 NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

 ELVIS VIRUS: Hard disk gets fat, slow, and ugly. Then self-destructs at
 restroom; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
 rural America.

 NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes you mad just thinking
 about it.

 NPR VIRUS: Program stops every 7 minutes and asks for money.

 GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software
 says everything is fine.

 FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with the motherboard.

 FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
 units, each of which does nothing; then reminds you it is here to help you.

 GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their
 data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

 ADAM & EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

 TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it is bigger than any other file, then performs all
 algorithms and software operations its own way.  Claims the computer was
 invented there.

 NPR VIRUS: Program stops every 7 minutes and asks for money.