Translation bloopers

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing
please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you
will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am
daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers
artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form
of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.

From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters
and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In a Zuerich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining the opposite sex in the bedroom, it
is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czecheslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the
guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long
run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking.
Here speeching American?