- Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

 - I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

 - "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

 - Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

 - I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

 - We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

 - Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

 - The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

 - Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

 - The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

 - Did anyone see my lost carrier?

 - I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing!

 - Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

 - "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy. I'm stuffed!"

 - A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

 - There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

 - I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

 - Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

 - I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

 - Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

 - Double your drive space - delete Windows!

 - What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

 - Assassins do it from behind.

 - If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

 - Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

 - I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

 - Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.

 - Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

 - Okay. Who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

 - All generalizations are false, including this one.

 - "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.