The Top 15 Signs Cupid has Gone Nuts

15> Is on retainer to Anna Nicole Smith.

14> After the recent minor surgery, he's shooting blanks instead of arrows.

13> Traded in the diaper for leopard-skin Speedos.

12> Armed and horny in See's, he threatens to "waste the truffles" one by one
    until ATF agents deliver Cindy Crawford.

11> *Still* thinks OJ is innocent.

10> When he runs out of arrows, simply relieves himself on people's heads.

 9> Thinks it's funny to keep making Rush Limbaugh fall madly in love with
    himself.

 8> Stays in the pub all night throwing darts at people as they stumble to the
    bathroom, ensuring a night of bacchanalia in the stalls.

 7> Aiming love arrows ONLY at dog genitals and human legs.

 6> Recent Oreo binges making it impossible for tiny wings to support his
    bloated girth.

 5> Offering "special military discount" to Army drill instructors.

 4> Shows up with an arrow through his head and shouts, "Well, exuuuuuuuuuse
    me!"

 3> He's got three days of stubble, he's waving a half-empty bottle of
    Everclear, and he's up in a clocktower with a pink assault rifle, screaming
    about "that amateur bastard Chuck Woolery."

 2> Has given up his bow and arrow in place of simply kicking lovers in the
    groin.

    and the number 1 sign Cupid has gone nuts...

 1> Despite abundant wit and ravashing good looks, a majority of the Top 5 List
    contributor pool remains inexplicably single.