The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.
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 At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass
 container."

 Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

 In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought
 to see the manager."

 On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full
 extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy"

 On a movie theater: "Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with
 child."

 In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

 In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

 In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses - No waiting!"

 At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

 On a display of "I Love You Only" valentine cards: "Now available in multi-
 packs."

 In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our
 washing machine do the dirty work."

 In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."

 On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

 In downtown Boston: "Calahan Tunnel - No end"

 In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you
 can come here?"

 In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

 In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight."

 In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please
 see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

 On the grounds of a public school: "No tresspassing without permission."

 On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is
 impassable."

 And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by
 human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."