Actual Business Signs
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On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire
    and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."
On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've
    come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."
At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
    payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one
    just left."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
    However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"
On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've
    got."
On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed
    up."
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any
    place they want."
On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."