ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED      ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED
 --------------------------------------------------------------

 REMOVING CLOTHES:                 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
 With partner's consent.....12     Shoes flew off...............35
 Without partner's consent.187     Expression didn't change....1/2
                                   Orchestra swelled.............6
 UNHOOKING BRA:                    Birds sang
 Using two calm hands........7      Large birds..................7
 Using one trembling hand...36      Small birds..................3
                                   Earth moved..................30

 Lifting partner............15     PULLING OUT:
 Dragging partner on floor..16     After orgasm................1/2
 Using skateboard............3     A few moments before orgasm.500

 ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:              PENIS ENVY:
 For normal healthy man....2.5     For woman.....................3
 Losing erection............14     For men......................72
 Searching for it..........115
                                   GUILT:
 PUTTING ON CONDOM:                Despite no formal training,
 With erection.............1.5     orgasm comes easily..........53
 Without erection..........300     You're enjoying sex, despite
                                   the fact that other people are
 INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:              starving......................2
 If the woman who does it is       Sex on your lunch hour........3
 Experienced.................6     Putting it on expense account..
 Inexperienced..............73                                  20
 If a man does it..........680     AGGRAVATION:
 Add (5) calories for retrieving   Partner keeps showing plants..5
 it from across the room.          Partner insists on cuddling the
                                   dog during foreplay..........14
 ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:         Partner visiting bathroom for
 Italian- Man on top, woman in     7th time.....................10
 kitchen....................26     Partner taking phone calls....7
 Russian- Woman on bottom,         Partner making phone calls...40
 Man getting permission.....55
 American- Both on top......60     GETTING CAUGHT:
                                   By partner's spouse..........60
 SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:         By your spouse..............100
 Bouncing....................7     Trying to explain............55
 Sliding around..............9     Trying to remain calm.......100
 Serious skidding...........12     Leaping out of bed...........75
 Whiplash...................27     Getting dressed in one motion..
                                                               500
                                   Thanking partner quickly......2
 ORGASM:
 Real.......................27
 Faked.....................160