The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs,
 those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train
 yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS."

 1.  Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex

 2.  Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay

 3.  Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins

 4.  Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a
     virgin

 5.  Can't hail a cab - Impotent

 6.  Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

 7.  Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive
     Don Quixote

 8.  Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

 9.  Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow

 10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow

 11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm

 12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not
     go "all the way"

 13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful
     gymnastics in bed

 14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not,
     will get pregnant and sue

 15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." -
     Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

 16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only

 17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs

 18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation

 19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come

 20. Insists on having some of whatever you orderded - Will make you sleep on
     the wet spot

 21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you

 22. Changes tables - Nyphomaniac

 23. Drinks Decaf - Fakes Orgasm (Female)

 24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)

 25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try
     to borrow money

 26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty
     during sex

 27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob

 28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch

 29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in
     with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball
     posters

 30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count

 31. Undertips waiter - Small penis

 32. Undertips parking valet - Small penis

 33. Undertips cabbie - Small penis

 34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

 35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex

 36. Cellular phone in car - Penile inplant