Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. Now Sex has
 been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I
 told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I would like
 to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care
 what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I
 was 9 years old!" He said, "You must have been quite a kid."

 When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told
 the motel clerk that I wanted a room for Sex. He said that every room in the
 place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at
 night!" Then the clerk said, "Me, too."

 One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog
 ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking
 around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I
 should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. "I had
 planned to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show off. When my wife and I
 separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your
 Honor, I had Sex before I was married!" The Judge said, "Me, too." Then I told
 him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said, "Me, too." Last
 night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came
 over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the
 morning. I said looking for Sex.

 My case comes up Monday...