CHRISTMAS RUM CAKE

    1 or 2 quarts rum                baking powder
    1c. butter                       1tsp. soda
    1tsp. sugar                      lemon juice
    2 large eggs                     brown sugar
    1c. dried fruit                  nuts

 Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go
 ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It
 must be just right. To be sure rum is of the highest quality, pour one level
 cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an
 electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of
 thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest
 quality - try another cup. Open second quart, if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs,
 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just
 pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum again, checking for
 tonscisticity. Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter
 which). Sample the rum again. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped
 butter and strained nuts. Add one babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever
 color you can find. Wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.
 Now pour whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the rum again, and bo to
 bed.