20+ Ways To Confuse Your Roommate: 1. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate every morning. Give them to him/her before he/she goes to class. 2. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is. 3. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious." 4. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety hazards. 5. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of water. When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds, until he/she does so. 6. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If he/she asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist..." 7. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like "How nice to see you again." 8. Get a can of beans. Label them "Jumping beans." Eat them, and then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them "Kill Your Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate. 9. Every time your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go to bed now." 10. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time. Eventually, think up melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act offended and spend the day in bed. 11. Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times. If your roommate inquires, tell him/her, "Don't worry little buckaroo. You'll be safe with me." 12. Paint abstract paintings, and title them things like, "Roommate Dying in a Car Crash," and "Roommate Getting Whacked in the Head with a Shovel." Comment often about how much you love the paintings. 13. Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours, imitating its movements with your face. Explain to your roommate that you have established a connection with the spirit world through the lava lamp. Tell your roommate that "Grandma said hi." 14. Wear scary Halloween masks. Look in the mirror and scream hysterically for about five minutes every time you put one on. 15. Rollerskate up and down the hallway. Every time you see your roommate, crash into him/her and knock him/her down. Apologize, and say that he/she looked like "the enemy." 16. Put headphones on your roommate while he/she is sleeping, and subliminally teach him/her to speak Spanish, play the trombone, and memorize all the major imports and exports of each African nation. 17. Stick your head out the window, but forget to open it, so that your head crashes through the glass. Then say "Silly me," open the window again, and try to stick your head through. Act like you hit your head on something. 18. Dress like a military officer. Insist that your roommate salute you upon sight. If he/she refuses, insist that he/she do 100 push-ups. Keep saying things like, "Your momma isn't here to take care of you anymore." 19. Keep a collection of teeth in a jar. Act excited whenever you add to it, and say things like, "In a little while I'll have enough for that sailboat." 20. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation. 21. Take three percocet. Smoke marijuana. Do what comes naturally. 50 MORE Ways To Confuse Your Roommate: 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning. 3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again." 5. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream. 6. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it. 7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares. 8. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences. 9. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same. 10. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night. 11. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep. 12. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh my God! Where the hell am I?" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about. 13. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading. It's spreading." 14. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away. 15. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again. 16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes. 17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal. 18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon... Soon..." 19. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate. 20. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer." 21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..." 22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there. 23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 24. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?" 25. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn." 26. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere." 27. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 28. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl, too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes. 29. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again. 30. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 31. Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch TV with the pig, eating lots of bacon. 32. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry. 33. Punch a hole in the TV. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality. 34. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again. 35. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong." 36. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks. 37. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water. 38. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?" 39. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would. 40. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull's eye. 41. Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process for a few weeks. 42. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray." 43. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping. 44. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 45. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night. 46. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back." 47. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now." 48. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, "What the hell do you think you are? A king?" 49. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players." 50. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."