Actual Resume Mistakes

 These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the
 July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.

 1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
 2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
 3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
 4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
 5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
 6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
 7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
 8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
 9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
 10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
 11. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
      commitments."
 12. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
 13. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to
      my resume on my office voice mail."
 14. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
      absolutely nothing."
 15. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
 16. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never
      quit a job."
 17. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
 18. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
 19. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

 THESE QUOTES WERE TAKEN FROM ACTUAL PERFOMANCE EVALUATIONS

 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
     started to dig."
 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
 4. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
     definitely won't be."
 5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
     trap."
 6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change which ever
     foot was previously in there."
 7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
 8. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
 9. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
     them."
 10. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
 11. "This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."