Collection of Philosophy
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 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 He who hesitates is probably right.

 Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

 No one is listening until you make a mistake.

 Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

 The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

 The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

 To succeed in politics it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

 Two wrongs are only the beginning.

 Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of
 incompetence.

 You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is:
 You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!)

 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

 Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier.

 Never accept a drink from a urologist. -Erma Bombeck

 Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at
 your trial. -Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

 Never say "Oops" in the operating room. -Dr. Leo Troy

 Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job
 of umpire. -Dan Zevin

 Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -Harry S. Truman

 Never thrust your sickle into another's corn. -Publius Syrus

 Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them
 very much. -G. K. Chesterton

 Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the
 game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be
 me!" -Rita Rudner

 Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. -Woodrow Wilson

 Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
 -Winston Churchill

 Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. -Ruth
 Gordon