YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS...

 If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.

 When your modem starts smoking.

 If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.

 If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.

 If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.

 If you can type your top 10 favorite web sites, by heart.

 If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.

 If you can write your own html page.

 If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.

 If you download more than 20MB from a binary newsgroup, in one session.

 If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a
 photograph.

 You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with
 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.

 If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the
 houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.

 When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save
 command.

 When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the
 dashboard of your car to make it go.

 When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system
 administrator.

 When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service
 Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.

 When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home

 If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive
 a "pending disconnection of service" notice.

 When you order most of what you buy... online.

 If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.

 When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except
 through e-mail.

 When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and your log
 reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.

 If your net provider suggests you try a competitor because you're exceeding
 300 hours a month connect time.

 When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.

 You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's
 sermon.

 When that 112GB hard drive is full.

 If 133 MHZ is simply too slow.

 When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.

 If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the
 engine is running.

 When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter
 an http:// or ftp:// address.

 If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand
 what they say.

 When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get
 better mileage.

 When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.

 If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your
 car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out
 the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.

 If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.

 When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.

 When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed
 to find it's on TV.

 If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."

 If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.

 If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.

 When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.

 When you have the movie "The Net" on CD-ROM.

 If magazines like "InterNetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or
 "Playgirl".

 If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.

 If you use more than 20 passwords.

 If you setup your own web page.

 If you setup a web page for each of your kids... and your pets.

 If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.

 If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.

 If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.

 If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much
 cheaper than long distance phone charges.

 If you can relate to one of the above.

 If you can relate to all the above.

 If you deny these relate to you.

 If you can write a list like this.