The Top 16 Changes Now That the Baby Has Arrived

16> Hubby drops to #2 on the list of people drooling at the sight of your
    breasts.

15> Store clerks don't look at you so funny when you buy your regular weekly
    supply of diapers.

14> Finally, someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose," at least for a year or
    so.

13> You develop a liking for minivans, sensible shoes, and a deep-seated
    contempt for Michael Jackson.

12> You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to touch your round little belly
    anymore now that you're just FAT.

11> Goodbye, Happy Hour - Hello, Happy Meal!

10> Can't leave the AK-47s under the couch anymore.

 9> No longer get arrested for whipping out your breast on the subway.

 8> The realization that caca comes in a rainbow of lovely colors.

 7> Well, there goes the pet dingo.

 6> Cases of Bud Light quickly replaced by cases of Butt Wipes.

 5> Bundle of joy, my ass. Just another ingrate to buy cigarettes for.

 4> Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox", but the cat is seriously
    torqued about it.

 3> Mama cuts back to a sixer a day now that she's only "drinkin' fer one."

 2> For efficiency, your paycheck now direct-deposited to Disney.

 and the Number 1 Change Now That the Baby Has Arrived...

 1> The closest you come to orgasm is when you think of sleep.