The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man
will be there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from
touching the computers.

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Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we
poisonous snakes?" The other replied, "You're damn right we are! We're
rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "I just bit my
tongue."

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Why did the Siamese twins go to England?
So the other one could have a chance to drive.

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Q. What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer?
A. An offer you can't understand.

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It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts!

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Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? If it had been
invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush!

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During break time at obedience school, 2 dogs were talking. One said to the
other, "The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff
you'll never use in the real world..."

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Q. What does it mean when the Post Office is flying their flag at half-staff?
A. They're hiring.

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I was just wondering...
If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?