Actual Phone Answering Machine Messages

* My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your
  name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

* Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now,
  because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
  down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message,
  and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

* A is for academics; B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not
  here. So leave a message.

* Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If
  you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid
  institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe
  me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

* (Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the
  telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet
  paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible
  speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas, no, his valiant effort is in vain. The
  bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
  Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

* Hi. I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a
  message, and if I don't call back, it's you.