What is the difference between pigs and men? Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk. What is a man's idea of helping you with the housework? Lifting up his legs so you can vacuum underneath them. What is the difference between a man and E.T.? At least E.T. phoned home. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1) No mind 2) No business What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? Thirty-five kilograms.