How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?
 
 LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
 LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
 MARRIAGE - When your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.
 
 LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
 LUST - All the other times.
 MARRIAGE - What's intercourse?
 
 LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
 LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
 MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
 
 LOVE - When you share everything you own.
 LUST - When you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
 MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
 
 LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
 LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
 MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
 
 LOVE - When you phone each other just to say hi.
 LUST - When you phone each other just to organize sex.
 MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to find out what time your son's game
	    starts.
 
 LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
 LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
 MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
 
 LOVE - When you show concern for your partners' feelings.
 LUST - When you couldn't give a shit.
 MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
 
 LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
 LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
 MARRIAGE - When your farewell is silent.
 
 LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
 LUST - When you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
 MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
 
 LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
 LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
 MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
 
 LOVE - When nobody else matters.
 LUST - When nobody else knows.
 MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
 
 LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
 LUST - When it's just the same old mushy shit.
 MARRIAGE - When you never listen to music.
 
 LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
 LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
 MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
 
 LOVE - When you're interested in everything your partner does.
 LUST - When you're only interested in one thing.
 MARRIAGE - When you're not interested in what your partner does and the one
	    thing you're interested in is your golf score.