Recently I have been pestered with a series of deeply scientific questions, all
evolving out of the age old question...

  "If you're driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on,
  what happens?"

This was quickly followed by:

  "If you're driving at the speed of light and you:

        ... Turn your radio on, what station do you get?
        ... Hit an oncoming freight train...
        ... Stick your head out the window...
        ... Turn on the windshield washer jets...
        ... Honk your horn...
        ... Downshift into first..."

Continuing along this line of scientific inquiry, what happens when you are
going light speed in REVERSE and you...

        ... Turn on your headlights...
        ... Just barely avoid a car doing light speed the other direction...
        ... Honk the horn...
        ... Have to parallel park...
        ... Shift into first...
        ... Look in the rear-view mirror...

Which also brings up the question:

  "Could you get away with looking in the rear-view mirror, or would you have
   to turn around???"

These are all facinating (and deeply disturbed) questions. But let us assume
that you get a car that can travel the speed of light and you begin to unravel
these age old mysteries *WHEN SUDDENLY* you are faced with an even more
dreadful question:

  "If you're driving at the speed of light and get pulled over by an Oakwood
   Taxi-cop... What kind of fine are you gonna pay?"

And believe me you are gonna pay... He ain't gonna buy the line:

  "669,600,000 mph! That's impossible; my car shimmies at 500,000,000 mph!"

And he ain't gonna take the excuse that you didn't realize how fast you were
going... "Didn't you notice the Blue Shift, son?"

After doing some research (No, I did not recently get a ticket) I found that
the fair city of Oakwood charges $1 for every 1 mph over the speed limit. So if
you were pulled over for doing 669,600,000 in a 35 zone you would be charged:

    $669,599,965 + a $33 court fee = $669,599,998

This does not include such subsequent fines as reckless operation, not wearing
a seat belt, and DWI (Let's face it if you stopped for an Oakwood cop while
doing light speed, you'd have to be drunk. Oakwood is roughly 2 miles across...
You'd be out of his jurisiction in 0.00001 seconds.)

A couple of other stats concerning a car capable of light speed. You'd flip the
odometer in .537 seconds and need to change the oil every .053 seconds. I don't
even want to get into the amount of gas it would use and at the current gas
prices maybe a ticket isn't your first concern.

But just think... You'll be able to answer all those complicated questions. Be
the first to own a light-speed car... (Honest, it was only driven on Sundays by
a little old lady who had to get to Epsion Indi and back.)