Harry and his wife are having hard times, so they decide she'll become a
 hooker. She's not sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar
 and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be
 parked around the corner."
 She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"
 She says, "A hundred dollars."
 He says, "Shit. All I've got is thirty."
 She says, "Hold on."
 She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
 Harry says, "A handjob".
 She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.
 He says OK. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops a huge
 cock. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She
 runs back around the corner and says, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy
 bucks?"
 
 A little kid sits on Santa's lap, and Santa says, "What would you like for
 Christmas?"
 The kid says, "A fucking swingset."
 Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you
 presents. Let's try again. What else would you like?"
 The kid says, "A fucking sandbox for the side yard."
 Santa says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would
 you like for Christmas?"
 The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a fucking trampoline in
 the front yard."
 Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He
 tells them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop it. Don't get
 him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the
 backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where
 he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the
 trampoline. That should make him change his tune."
 Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents, and there
 aren't any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He
 runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front
 door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.
 His father says, "What's wrong, son?"
 The kid says, "Santa brought me a fucking dog, but I can't find him."
 
 A black guy, a Jewish guy, and a redneck are working construction, digging a
 ditch. The black guy's shovel hits something. He picks it up, and it's a lamp.
 He starts to rub the dirt off and a genie comes out.
 The genie goes, "Arggh! I'll give you each one wish."
 The black guy says, "I want my own country, where the brothers and sisters can
 live in peace and harmony in freedom forever."
 The genie says, "Done."
 He says to the Jew, "What about you?"
 The Jew says, "I want my own country, so the Jews can live in peace and
 harmony with no persecution forever and ever."
 The genie says, "Done."
 He says to the redneck, "What about you?"
 The redneck says, "Now let me get this straight. The blacks are all gonna live
 in their own country, and the Jews are all gonna live in their own country?"
 The genie says, "That's right."
 The redneck says, "Fuck it. I'll take a diet Coke."