Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office.
 
 The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, "What's the
 first thing you see when you look at me?"
 
 The guy says, "That's not too hard. You've got no ears."
 
 The interviewer says, "That's it. Get out! You'll never be seen around here
 again."
 
 The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question. The applicant
 replies, "Uh, you've got no ears."
 
 The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll never get a
 job with his company.
 
 As the second guy is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man,
 whatever you do, don't say he hasn't got any ears. He's really touchy about
 it."
 
 "Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office.
 
 Once inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you look at me."
 
 The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts."
 
 The interviewer is flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know that, son?"
 
 The applicant answered, "What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses; you've
 got no ears!"
 
 ***
 
 There was this man feeling pretty desperate and horny. He only had 5 dollars
 and he went down to the brothel, "Look mamasan, what do I get for 5 bucks?"
 The mamasan answered, "For so little you get to f*** a chicken." After
 thinking for a while, he said OK. He went in, had his fun and came out with
 feathers all over him feeling very contented.
 
 After a week, he saved enough money and this time went in with 10 bucks. "What
 do I get for ten bucks?" he asked.
 
 She then led him to a dark room and there was a life show through a peek hole
 of two lesbians having fun. He said to the next guy, "This is fun and worth
 the money." The guy next to him agreed noddingly but said to him, "Last week
 was even better. We saw a guy f***ing a chicken."
 
 ***
 
 A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat
 put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple got out, the cat shot back
 in. They didn't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife went out to the
 taxi while the husband went upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not
 wanting it known that the house would be empty explained to the taxi driver,
 "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
 
 A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he
 says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a
 coathanger to get her to come out!"
 
 ***
 
 A man walks into a restaurant and orders a bowl of soup. The waiter brings it,
 and the man begins to eat it. It tastes disgusting.
 
 "Waiter," says the irate diner, "is this supposed to be chicken soup or
 vegetable soup?"
 
 "What does it taste like?" replied the waiter.
 
 "To tell you the truth, it tastes like cat piss," retorted the diner.
 
 "Then it is chicken soup. Our vegetable soup tastes like horse piss," answered
 the waiter.
 
 ***
 
 Three boys are in the school yard bragging of how great their fathers are.
 
 The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can shoot an arrow
 and starts to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
 
 The second boy says, "Ha! You think that's fast. My father is a hunter. He can
 shoot his gun and gets there before the bullet."
 
 The third one listens to the first two and shakes his head. He then says, "You
 two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops work at
 5pm and he is home by 4:15pm."
 
 ***
 
                   THE PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED
 
 1  I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
 2  I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
 3  I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
 4  I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of
    bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
 5  I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies,
    astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
 6  I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the
    amount of time given.
 7  I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle though
    infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
 8  If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
 9  I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my
    mind.
 10 I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write
    the first word, when I get around to it.
 11 I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task
    to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to
    beginning the greater task.
 12 I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
 13 I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
 14 I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the
    Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.