SUN MICROSYSTEMS SUES ISLAND OF JAVA*
 
 Mountain View, CA - Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement
 against the island of Java* over the use of Sun's Java* trademark.
 
 Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for centuries,
 Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said, "Yeah, and in all that time they never filed
 for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name."
 
 Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name. They
 originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but an angry telegram from
 Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally settled on a
 symbol for a name - a neatly-colored coffee cup which still evokes the idea of
 java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be able to print the name
 of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in print as "The Island
 Formerly Known As Java*".
 
 The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island,
 but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay Archipelago.
 Africa has been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar, but it is still
 in alpha testing.
 
 Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery ball
 at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for them...
 
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 *Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the
  trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced to use
  Microsoft products.