Everyday I give thanks to God
         I was born a man instead of a broad
         When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
         I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee
         I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
         Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
         Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
         I use my turn signal, I understand sports

         Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
         Tell you the reason I am
         I don't go through a faze every 28 days
         Man, I'm glad I'm a man

         I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
         Don't take a lot of friends when I go to the john
         I don't throw a fit when I break a nail
         I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale
         I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
         I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer
         I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
         I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

         Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
         Tell you the reason I am
         I don't face the pain of water-weight gain
         Man, I'm glad I'm a man

         Let me tell you ladies
         Listen to me ladies
         I love those things inside of your blouse
         I love your pretty faces
         Your warm and soft embraces
         But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house

         I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date
         I don't play with dolls unless they inflate
         When someone asks me my age, I never lie
         After sex in bed, my spot's always dry
         I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
         I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
         I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie
         This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

         Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
         Tell you the reason I am
         I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill
         Man, I'm glad I'm a man

         Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
         Tell you the reason I am
         I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'
         Man, I'm glad I'm a man