A man was boasting to his friend, "You know, I am a well known collector of
 antiques." His friend replied, "Yes, I know. I have seen your wife."

 The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come home early.
 We are going to have mother for dinner." "Good," replied the husband. "Make
 sure she's well done."

 Then there was this ten-year-old child who shot both his parents and pleaded
 with the judge for mercy because he was an orphan.

 Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
 Son: Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it.

 The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a
 ring?" "Sure," replied her lover. "What's your phone number?"

 Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?
 Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby?
 Young Man: I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant.

 A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died." "But you see
 I'm alive," smiled the friend. "Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man
 who told me is much more reliable than you."

 A doctor sent a bill to his patient. Underneath the bill he wrote: "This bill
 is now one year old." Back came the reply: "Happy Birthday!"

 "I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
 "Nonsense. Yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my
 wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
 "Good idea. Call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

 A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion
 in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order!
 Order!" The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour. I'll have
 a scotch and soda."

 Judge: I've decided to award your wife $500.00 a month.
 Husband: That's very generous of you, your honour. I'll give her $20.00
	  myself, too!

 Court scene:
 1st Lawyer: You're a fool
 2nd Lawyer: And you're a damn fool.
 Judge: As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now
        proceed with the case?