HOMILIES
  
 1.  Indecision is the key to flexibility.
 2.  There is always one more SOB than you counted on.
 3.  You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
 4.  There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
 5.  Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
 6.  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 7.  Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
 8.  The facts, although they may be interesting, are irrelevant.
 9.  The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
 10. Things are more like they are today then they ever were before.
 11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
 12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
 13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
 14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
 15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
 16. This is probably as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
 17. If you think there is good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.
 18. All other things being equal, fat people use more soap.
 19. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 20. One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
 21. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
 22. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
 23. If you never go off on a tangent, you are doomed to going in circles.
 24. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
 25. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
 26. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
 27. The trouble with life is that you're halfway through it before you realize
     that it's a "do it yourself" thing.
 28. You should always try to be yourself, but don't overdo it.