I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge,
about to jump off.  I immediately ran over and said, "Stop!  Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well...  Are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me, too!  Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me, too!  Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me, too!  Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow!  Me, too!  Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too!  Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist
Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too!  Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or
Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

------------

The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands downtown
when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby, "Twenty bucks
for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly went down
the next alley, where they went out of view.

The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another street
corner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman, much
the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where the
abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob" was,
the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.

Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so he
went to see the Mother Superior at the adjacent convent.

"Mother Superior," he asked, "what's a blowjob?"
"Twenty bucks, same as downtown!"