While driving along the back roads of a small town, two novice truckers came
 to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and
 measured their rig, which was 12'4" high.
 
 "What do you think?" one asked the other.
 
 The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in
 sight. Let's take a chance!"
 
 ===
 
 A young novice sister barged into mother superior's room at 3 AM explaining
 that she had been fondled and raped by three men while coming back from the
 charity sale. Mother Superior lit her candle, put her glasses on and solemnly
 sat in her bed and told the novice, "You will immediately go to the kitchen,
 you will take a citrus from the fruit rack, you will slice it in four
 quarters, and you will put one of the quarters in your mouth!"
 
 "Will that prevent me from becoming pregnant?" asked the novice.
 
 "No," replied Mother Superior, "but it will wipe that silly grin off your
 face!"
 
 ===
 
 My boyfriend came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
 happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
 all over the doorknobs - he couldn't get back in.
 
 ===
 
 During World War II, a couple of soldiers were talking about bibles and one of
 them mentioned that he had a Gutenberg Bible, at home, but it was awfully old
 and didn't think it was worth anything. After the war, the soldier called his
 friend and asked him if he still had the Gutenberg Bible. "Yes," responded the
 friend, "but you wouldn't want it. Not only is it old and falling apart, but
 some guy named Martin Luther scribbled all over it."
 
 ===
 
 A Conservative is a Liberal who has been mugged. A Liberal is a Conservative
 who has been arrested.
 
 ===
 
 A man walked into the master bedroom and said to his wife, "Here you go,
 honey. I brought you your aspirin."
 
 "But I don't have a headache," she replied.
 
 "Gotcha!"
 
 ===
 
 God created Adam. After Adam saw all the animals and other creatures
 multiplying and enjoying the sexual game, he asked God, "Why can't I have a
 mate?" God thought about it and decided to create Eve. After the creation,
 Adam again sought God's advice. "How do we recreate?" God drew Adam aside and
 literally explained the facts of life to him. Adam thought it sounded great
 and created a nice little love nest for him and Eve behind the juniper bush.
 He then went and found Eve and took her to the bed he had made. After a little
 while, Adam's head popped out from behind the bush with another question for
 God, "God, what is a headache?"
 
 ===
 
 Two Irishmen were working in a ditch across the street from a brothel. A
 Protestant minister came walking along and quickly snuck behind the door. The
 two men shook their heads and one said to the other, "What kind o' time do we
 live in when men of the cloth 'be visiting such places?"
 
 They mused over this for a while and were getting back to work when a rabbi
 made a dash for the brothel. The two looked at each other and one said, "It's
 no wonder that the children of today are so confused, what with the example
 that the clergy are setting."
 
 They were mulling over this when a Catholic priest snuck up to the house-of-
 ill-repute, glanced to make sure that no one was looking, and ducked inside.
 The two men leaned on their shovels, looked at each other, and one said,
 sympathetically, "Ah, what a shame... One of the poor lasses must be dying."
 
 ===
 
 Mrs. Jones went to see her obstetrician, Dr. Smith. She said, "Dr. Smith, I'm
 pregnant again. I need a hearing aid."
 
 Dr. Smith said, "Mrs. Jones, I thought we decided last time that your twelve
 children were more than you could handle, and that you should not get pregnant
 again. I'm going to give you a powerful contraceptive."
 
 Mrs. Jones replied, "But, doctor, I don't need a contraceptive. I need a
 hearing aid."
 
 "How come?"
 
 "Well, you see, doctor, I'm kinda hard of hearing. At night, when the mister
 and I turn off the lights and go to bed, he asks me, 'Do you want to go to
 sleep or what?' And I always say 'What?'"
 
 ===
 
 The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it about time that
 she understood the facts of life.
 
 "Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how
 life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..."
 
 "It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter,
 "but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."
 
 ===
 
 The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his
 corporation. After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided
 to stay another week as part of his vacation.
 
 Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend:
 "Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."
 
 His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30
 a.m. How long have you known about us?"