EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR
 HOSPITALS...

 - The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the
   pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

 - Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

 - The skin was moist and dry.

 - Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

 - The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

 - She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989
   when she got a divorce.

 - Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

 - The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out
   of gas and crashed.

 - I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

 - The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is
   presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

 - Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los
   Angeles.

 - Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

 - She is numb from her toes down.

 - Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

 - While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

 - The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

 - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a
   stockbroker instead.

 - Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

 - Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

 - Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no
   distress.

 - Patient was alert and unresponsive.

 - When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.