TOP 10 WAYS TO SERIOUSLY DISTURB YOUR OFFICE-MATES 
 
 10. Every time you walk into your office, sit in your chair, lean back too
 far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for ten minutes. Then, one
 day, repeat the falling over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look
 at the chair sternly and say, "It's not funny anymore." 
 
 9.  Get a surfboard, put it on your desk, stand on it, pretend to surf for
 about fifteen minutes. Then pretend to wipe out and fall off the desk onto the
 floor. Pretend you're drowning until your boss comes to "rescue" you. 
 
 8.  Pack up all of your things and tell your co-workers you are going to "find
 yourself." Leave and come back in about ten minutes. If your co-workers ask,
 explain that you are not a hard man to find. 
 
 7.  Insist that everyone in the office recite the pledge of allegiance every
 morning.
 
 6.  Put up traffic signs around the office. If your co-workers don't obey
 them, give them tickets. Confiscate the coffee maker until they pay the
 tickets. 
 
 5.  Complain that your elbows, knees, and other joints have been bothering
 you. Get a screwdriver and pretend to "fix" them. 
 
 4.  Wear glasses, and complain that you can never see anything. Bump into
 walls and doors, say "Who's that" every time someone comes in. When you're not
 wearing glasses, act like you can see fine. 
 
 3.  Keep empty jars on your desk. Tell your co-workers that they are a
 collection of inert gases. Look at them often. One day, act surprised and
 angered, accusing your boss of having released one of the gases. Cover your
 eyes and mouth and run out of the office. 
 
 2.  Sprinkle toothpicks all over the floor and stare at them. Act like you're
 trying to read something. Tell your co-workers that it's a sign from God, but
 you're not sure if it's a warning about a loved one in danger or a recipe for
 a really great chili. 
 
 1.  Never speak to your co-workers directly. If you need to ask them or tell
 them something, go down the hall and call them on the phone.