APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a
complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report
from your doctor.

NAME __________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH ______________

HEIGHT __________  WEIGHT __________  IQ __________  GPA ____________

SOCIAL SECURITY # ________________  DRIVER'S LICENSE # _______________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES ___________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS _____________________  CITY/STATE ___________  ZIP _____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? _________________________

If NO, please explain _______________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain ______________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Do you own:                          (Circle One)

A van?                                   Y  N

A truck with oversized tires?            Y  N

A waterbed?                              Y  N

A pickup with a mattress in the back?    Y  N

A condom?                                Y  N

Pornography?                             Y  N

Do you have:

An earring, nose, or belly button ring?  Y  N

A tattoo?                                Y  N

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Church you attend _________________________________

How often you attend ______________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

 Father? _____________

 Mother? _____________

 Priest? _____________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are
confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________


C: A woman's place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________________


D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping
your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

        A: 3
        B: 6
        C: 9
        D: 12
        E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF
MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT
TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND
PUBIC WAXING.

____________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call
or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing
white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).