THE FUNNIEST LINES IN COUNTRY MUSIC - 1994 1. I'LL BE DRINKING DOUBLES 'TIL I START SEEING QUADRUPLES. 2. I'VE GOT YOU ON MY CONSCIENCE, BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE OFF MY BACK. 3. TWO'S COMPANY. THREE'S A FELONY. 4. I GOT IN AT 2 WITH A 10... AND GOT UP AT 10 WITH A 2. 5. I AIN'T SHARIN' SHARON. 6. I HOPE YOU'RE AS HIGH ON THE HOG AS THE PIG YOU TURNED OUT TO BE. 7. YOU'RE THE REASON OUR KIDS ARE SO UGLY. 8. QUIT UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES (AND START USING YOUR HANDS). 9. I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE AND I CAN'T GET UP. 10. I JUST GOT CAUGHT WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S PANTS DOWN. 11. IF WHISKEY WERE A WOMAN, I'D BE MARRIED FOR SURE. 12. YOU'RE OUT DOING WHAT I'M HOME DOIN' WITHOUT. 13. SHE WON'T GET UNDER ME 'TIL I GET OVER YOU. 14. I'LL MARRY YOU TOMORROW, BUT LET'S HONEYMOON TONIGHT. 15. IF THOSE CLOTHES STAY ON, THEN I'M TAKING OFF. 16. YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR KATE AND EDITH TOO. 17. HOW COME YOUR DOG DON'T BITE NOBODY BUT ME? 18. THE ONLY THING HARD ON HIM IS HIS LUCK. 19. I KEEP FORGETTING THAT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 20. IT LOOKS LIKE A TIE, BUT IT FEELS LIKE A NOOSE. 21. I WON'T READ YOU POETRY, BUT I'LL SHOW YOU MY LONGFELLOW. 22. MY WIFE RAN OFF WITH MY BEST FRIEND, AND I MISS HIM. 23. THANKS TO THE CATHOUSE, I'M IN THE DOGHOUSE WITH YOU. 24. I'LL BE SOBER IN THE MORNING, BUT YOU'LL STILL BE UGLY. 25. NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO CHEAT. 26. YOUR NEGLIGEE HAS TURNED TO FLANNEL NIGHTGOWNS. 27. NEXT TIME I FALL IN LOVE... I WON'T. 28. MY 80-PROOF BOTTLE OF TEAR STOPPERS. 29. I'M DRINKING MY BABY GOODBYE. 30. I'D RATHER FISH THAN FIGHT. 31. THANK GOD AND GREYHOUND SHE'S GONE. 32. IS IT COLD IN HERE, OR IS IT JUST YOU? 33. I'LL GET SKINNY AS SOON AS YOU GET HAIR. 34. RED NECKS. WHITE SOCKS. BLUE RIBBON BEER. 35. THE BREAST THINGS IN LIFE AIN'T FREE. 36. THAT AIN'T MY HEARTSTRINGS YOU'VE BEEN TUGGIN' ON. 37. THOSE PAINTED ON JEANS COULD USE A GOOD STRIPPIN'. 38. LOVE MAY BE BLIND, BUT LUST HAS 20-20 VISION. 39. MY LIPS ARE ON YOU, BUT MY MIND IS ON HER. 40. I'LL NEVER FORGET OL' WHAT'S HER NAME. 41. I AIN'T NO COWBOY, I JUST FOUND THIS HAT. 42. I'M THE ONLY THING I'LL EVER HOLD AGAINST YOU. 43. YOU DONE STOMPED ON MY HEART AND SMASHED THAT SUCKER FLAT. 44. HOW CAN A WHISKEY THAT'S 6 WHIP A MAN THAT'S 32? 45. IF THE PHONE DOESN'T RING, IT'S ME. 46. MY BABY AIN'T ON BOARD NO MORE. 47. I'VE BEEN FLUSHED FROM THE BATHROOM OF YOUR HEART. 48. THE PINT OF NO RETURN. 49. THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES. 50. IF I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE, HOW COME YOU TREAT ME LIKE NUMBER TWO?