A while back, someone asked how many generic chickens would fit into a generic
 Pontiac. This question has been on my mind recently, so I decided to work out
 this problem, for the benefit of all humanity.
 
 I. It has been proven succesfully that chickens have a definite wave-like
    nature. In reproducing Thomas Young's famous double-slit experiment of
    1801, Sir Kenneth Harbour-Thomas showed that chickens not only diffract,
    but produce interference patterns as well. (This experiment is fully
    documented in Sir Kenneth's famous treatise "Tossing Chickens Through
    Various Apertures in Modern Architecture", 1897)
 
 II. It is also known, as any farmhand can tell you, that whereas if one
     chicken is placed in an enclosed space, it will be impossible to pinpoint
     the exact location of the chicken at any given time t. This was summarized
     by Helmut Heisenberg (Werner's younger brother) in the equation:
           d(chicken) * dt >= b
     (where b is the barnyard constant; 5.2 x10^(-14) domestic fowl * seconds)
 
 III. Whatever our results, they must be consistant with the fundamentals of
      physics, so energy, momentum, and charge must all be conserved.
 
      A. Chickens (fortunately) do not carry electric charge. This was
         discovered by Benjamin Franklin, after repeated experiments with
         chickens, kites, and thunderstorms.
      B. The total energy of a chicken is given by the equation:
                  E = K + V
         where V is the potential energy of the chicken, and K is the kinetic
	 energy of the chicken, given by
                  (.5)mv^2 or (p^2) / (2m).
      C. Since chickens have an associated wavelength, w, we know that the
	 momentum of a free-chicken (that is, a chicken not enclosed in any
	 sort of Pontiac) is given by: p = b / w.
 
 IV. With this in mind, it is possible to come up with a wave equation for the
     potential energy of a generic chicken. (A wave equation will allow us to
     calculate the probability of finding any number of chickens in
     automobiles.) The wave equation for a non-relativistic, time-independant
     chicken in a one- dimensional Pontiac is given by:
           [V * P] - [[(b^2) / (2m)] * D^2(P)] = E * P
     P is the wave function, and D^2(P) is its second derivative. The wave
     equation can be used to prove that chickens are in fact quantized, and
     that by using the Perdue Exclusion formula we know that no two chickens in
     any Pontiac can have the same set of quantum numbers.
 
 V. The probability of finding a chicken in the Pontiac is simply the integral
    of P * P * dChicken from 0 to x, where x = the length of the Pontiac. Since
    each chicken will have its own set of quantum numbers (when examining the
    case of the three-dimensional Pontiac) different wave functions can be
    derived for each set of quantum numbers.
    It is important to note that we now know that there is no such thing as a
    generic chicken. Each chicken influences the position and velocity of every
    other chicken inside the Pontiac, and each chicken must be treated
    individually.
    It has been theorized that chickens do in fact have an intrinsic angular
    momentum, yet no experiment has been yet conducted to prove this, as
    chickens tend to move away from someone trying to spin them.
    Curious sidenote: Whenever possible, any attempt to integrate a chicken
    should be done by parts, as most people will tend to want the legs (dark
    meat), which can lead to innumerable family conflicts which are best
    avoided if at all possible.