WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE CAUGHT LOOKING AT ANOTHER WOMAN

A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman by
wife or girlfriend.

- I can't believe that outfit she is wearing.

- Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.

- I think that's a man dressed as a woman!

- Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she hasn't
  seen that movie - and neither have you - but you will get brownie points
  naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.)

- I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a
  convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case.

- Help me, I got something in my eye... Can't see a thing!

- I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about
  the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but it's gone
  now. Thank you very much!

- Hey, that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I
  ever got away from her. What a moron!

- I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but to me
  she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but then you
  have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It
  helps if you convulse a little at the end here... Maybe it will camouflage
  your drool.)

- I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never hold a
  candle to you. (This one might only get you punched, but it's worth a try.)

- Do you think she's prettier than me? (a taste of her own medicine)