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             -     STUPID SLOGANS WAITING TO BE COPYRIGHTED      -
             -                        or                         -
             -  THIS IS AMERICA - IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY,  -
             -  GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST AND ONTO A BUMPER STICKER  -
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 * Conserve water - shower with a friend.
 * Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
 * Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
 * Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
 * If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
 * Drive defensively, buy a tank.
 * I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
 * Famous last words: Don't unplug it. It will just take a moment to fix.
 * Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog...
 * Famous last words: Don't worry. It's not loaded.
 * Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
 * It doesn't matter how hard you've studied; the material won't be on the exam
   anyway.
 * Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.
 * If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
 * Reality is a figment of your imagination.
 * Life is just one of those things.
 * Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.
 * Make WAR, not SEX. It's safer!
 * I can handle pain until it hurts.
 * It's not what you say in your argument. It's how loud you say it.
 * Live teddy bears are best.
 * Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
 * The ultimate reason is "because."
 * I'm objective; I object to everything.
 * You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
 * Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
 * You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
 * Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
 * If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
 * A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it?
 * If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
 * I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
 * Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you can from him.
 * Millions of years ago, man climbed out of the slime. You want to join the
   party?
 * Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
 * It's only a game until you lose.
 * If God had intended man to watch TV, he would have given him rabbit ears.
 * Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.
 * Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
 * If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
 * Everything is unimportant in some way.
 * Life is a terminal disease.
 * Your lucky color has faded.
 * Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
 * Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.
 * How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy breathing?
 * The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.
 * No matter where you go, you're there.
 * Life's biggest question is whether or not you're happy - not with others,
   but with yourself.
 * Love isn't love until you give it away.
 * Don't take me literally.
 * Nothing is ever 100%.
 * I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
 * I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
 * I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
 * If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
 * If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
 * It's not just reality that matters.
 * Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
 * The unexamined life is not worth living.
 * You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come true.
 * Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.
 * The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
 * Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
 * Avoid reality at all costs.
 * Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
 * Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
 * It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
 * Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
 * If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
 * 90% of everything is crud.
 * LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
 * Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
 * Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
 * Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
 * Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
 * If all else fails, throw up.
 * Do we know that life has a cause?
 * No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
 * Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
 * Fun is just point of view.
 * If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
 * If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
 * My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
 * In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
 * It's only hopeless if you walk away.
 * Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
 * Imagination is the foundation of reality.
 * Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's
   way of debugging.
 * The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
 * Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
 * Everything is possible, just not too probable.
 * Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
 * Looking to God for answers is premature.
 * I like quality, not quantity.
 * Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
 * I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many
   times that I have all but rubbed it out.
 * Reality is all a point of view.
 * Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
 * Kinky sex is for those who can't handle normal sex.
 * Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
 * Speak softly, but carry an M16.
 * Change a life; make someone feel important.
 * Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
 * It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
 * Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your type.
 * Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I
   am the meanest sonofabitch in the valley.
 * Consider yourself hugged.
 * Just take a cold shower and sleep it off.
 * In theory, everything works.
 * Life is recursive.
 * The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
 * Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.
 * Repetition is always better the second time.
 * Clever is getting out alive.
 * Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
 * Just plead the Fifth - or drink it - either way.
 * Death is the consequence of being alive.
 * Life's a beach, and then you drown.
 * Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it anyway.
 * Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday. (Rule of Weekend Studying)
 * Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
 * Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
 * People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to
   those of us who do.
 * Have a nice day... somewhere else.
 * Was today really necessary?
 * Life without bears would be unbearable.
 * Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
 * I've no time to prepare a profound message.
 * Life is too important to be taken seriously.
 * Whatever it is - I didn't do it!
 * You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person.
 * Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
 * Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
 * It's been Monday all week.
 * When all else fails, lower your standards.
 * I'm surrounded by idiots!
 * Do unto others before they do unto you.
 * Why be normal?
 * I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
 * If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
 * I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
 * I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
 * Never trust a nun with a gun.
 * It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
 * Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
 * No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in
   really deep sh*t.
 * Never go into a hug off balance.
 * Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.
 * Cute and interesting are two different things.
 * If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?
 * Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
 * It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
 * Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
 * If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?
 * IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
 * I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
 * If you're gonna panic, panic constructively.
 * A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
 * Having a good time can be deadly.
 * Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
 * Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
 * If you can't go first class, charge it.
 * Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
 * Be fruit fly and multiple.
 * Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
 * Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
 * I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
 * Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
 * I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from lying.
 * If you can't be weird, why be?
 * It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
 * Gravity always gets me down.
 * I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
 * I'm serious; it was a joke.
 * Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
 * If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.
 * If I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
 * I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
 * Now that I've finally got my act together, I've forgotten what I'm supposed
   to do with it.
 * I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun when it was dirty.
 * This was only a test. If this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
 * For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
 * I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding inside the body of a
   creep.
 * I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
 * Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
 * Some have morals, some don't. Most simply ignore them.
 * You can't be late until you show up.
 * It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
 * I just love nonverbal communication!
 * If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning
   it.
 * You've gotta die in creative ways.
 * They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a
   truck.
 * Get out of my reality!
 * If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
 * It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
 * Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
 * It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
 * I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week
   sometimes to make it up.
 * I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
 * Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
 * To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
 * Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.
 * Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
 * When in doubt, use brute force.
 * Excellent time to become a missing person.
 * A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
 * Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
 * All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
 * My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
 * Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
 * Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
 * Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
 * They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
 * When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 * Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
 * Look out! Behind you!
 * Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 * If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
 * Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
 * Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
 * If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
 * Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
 * Your lucky number has been disconnected.
 * Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
 * A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
 * Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
 * Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
 * Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
 * I haven't lost my mind - it's backed up on tape somewhere.
 * The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
 * Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
 * Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
 * You know it's a bad day when...
   ... the sun comes up in the west.
   ... you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
   ... the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
   ... you put both contact lenses in the same eye.
   ... your pet rock snaps at you.
   ... the blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
   ... your income tax refund check bounces.
   ... you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
   ... Suicide Prevention puts you on hold.
 * Nothing is as easy as it looks.
 * Everything takes longer than you think.
 * It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
 * Mother Nature is a bitch.
 * Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.
 * When things just can't get any worse, they will.
 * Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
 * No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
 * Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
 * Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
 * In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
 * Experiments should be reproducible - they should all fail in the same way.
 * Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends
   worse.
 * Any given program, when running, it is obsolete.
 * Any given program costs more and takes longer.
 * If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
 * If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
 * Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
 * No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
 * What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
 * When it rains, it pours.
 * The course of progress: Most things get steadily worse.
 * Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
 * Things will get worse before they get better.
 * Who said things would get better?
 * Things get worse under pressure.
 * Nothing ever goes away.
 * You always find something in the last place you look.
 * You can't fall off the floor.
 * Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
 * If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
 * Push something hard enough and it will fall.
 * The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
 * Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
 * A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
 * Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
 * It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
 * You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
 * Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
 * If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
 * Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
 * Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
 * Nice guys don't finish nice.
 * It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
 * It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
 * Never eat more than you can lift.
 * Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the
   smell.
 * It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.
 * I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
 * If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in.
 * Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
 * I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
 * I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
 * Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.
 * The 100% American is 99% an idiot.
 * If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
 * There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.
 * You're being followed; cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
 * You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
 * The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
 * A gleekzorp without a ternpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of)
 * Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
 * If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
 * Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
 * Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 * I'm prepared for all emergencies. But I'm totally unprepared for everyday
   life.
 * A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
 * The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince of wails.
 * He heard she was stuck up and asked how much they got.
 * Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.
 * He had never seen the Catskill Mountains, but had seen them kill mice.
 * The pants were very sad, they were depressed.
 * Her body was recovered. She bought a new suit of clothes.
 * If a women changed her sex, what would her religion be? She would be a
   he-then.
 * When asked if he had missed school lately, the boy said "Not a bit."
 * The former ruler of Russia and his wife were called Tsar and Tsarina, so
   clearly their children were called Tsardines.
 * Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.
 * New with a K in front is a Canoe.
 * He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, H-to-O.
 * Little rivers which run into the Nile, Juveniles.
 * Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road when one of them
   was assaulted?
 * It's bad luck to be superstitious.
 * Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
 * Support bacteria. It's the only culture some people have.
 * Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
 * When does summertime come to Minnesota you ask? Well, last year I think it
   was a Tuesday.
 * I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always
   worked for me.
 * I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
 * If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
 * Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you
   wouldn't have been notified.
 * According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
 * Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
 * Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
 * CChheecckk  yyoouurr  dduupplleexx  sswwiittcchh..
 * Cautious: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
 * Schizophrenia beats being alone.
 * Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
 * Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
 * Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
 * I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
 * The more things change, the more they stay insane.
 * They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
 * If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
 * Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
 * Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
 * Honk if you like peace and quiet.
 * Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
 * Quick! Act as if nothing has happened!
 * Paul Revere was a tattle-tail.
 * Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
 * Fine day to throw a party. Throw her as far as you can.
 * Keep grandma off the streets. Legalize bingo.