BEFUDDLED PC USERS FLOOD HELP LINES, AND NO QUESTION SEEMS TO BE TOO BASIC AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button. "I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operations. Compaq's help center in Houston, Texas, is inundated by some 8,000 consumer calls a day, with inquiries like this one related by technician John Wolf: "A frustrated customer called, who said her brand new Contura would not work. She said she had unpacked the unit, plugged it in, opened it up and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, 'What power switch?'" Seemingly simple computer features baffle some users. So many people have called to ask where the "any" key is when "Press Any Key" flashes on the screen that Compaq is considering changing the command to "Press Return Key." Some people can't figure out the mouse. Tamra Eagle, an AST technical support supervisor, says one customer complained that her mouse was hard to control with the "dust cover" on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Dell technician Wayne Zieschan says one of his customers held the mouse and pointed it at the screen, all the while clicking madly. The customer got no response because the mouse works only if it's moved over a flat surface. Disk drives are another bugaboo. Compaq technician Brent Sullivan says a customer was having trouble reading word-processing files from his old diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, Mr. Sullivan asked what else was being done with the diskette. The customer's response: "I put a label on the diskette, roll it into the typewriter..." At AST, another customer dutifully complied with a technician's request that she send in a copy of a defective floppy disk. A letter from the customer arrived a few days later, along with a Xerox copy of the floppy. And at Dell, a technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and "close the door." Asking the technician to "hold on," the customer put the phone down and was heard walking over to shut the door to his room. The technician meant the door to his floppy drive. The software inside the computer can be equally befuddling. A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so Dell technician Gary Rock referred him to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh! I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks." Not realizing how fragile computers can be, some people end up damaging parts beyond repair. A Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it, he said, filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking his keyboard for a day, and then removing all the keys and washing them individually. Computers make some people paranoid. A Dell technician, Morgan Vergara, says he once calmed a man who became enraged because "his computer told him he was bad and an invalid." Mr. Vergara patiently explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally. These days PC-help technicians increasingly find themselves taking on the role of amateur psychologists. Mr. Shuler, the Dell technician, who once worked as a psychiatric nurse, says he defused a potential domestic fight by soothingly talking a man through a computer problem after the man had screamed threats at his wife and children in the background. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Had a customer [who kept getting an error type 41 message]. Customer wanted to know what was wrong because he was typing "41" and still couldn't get the dialog box off his computer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: I have a floppy disk in my machine but I can't seem to open a file on the disk. Agent: (after walking customer back to Desktop) Can you see your floppy disk icon? Caller: No, but I know it's in the machine because I can see it. Agent: (pause) How do mean you can see it? Caller: The floppy is sticking out of the hole... But it's definitely in the machine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer calling about setting up file sharing between his Mac SE and PowerBook 520c: Caller: I have the computers connected but they won't see each other. Agent: Are you using a LocalTalk cable plugged into the printer ports? Caller: Umm... I have a cable hooking the two together. I took it from my keyboard. Agent: You have your keyboard plugged into the PowerBook? Caller: No, I have the cable from my keyboard connecting the PowerBook and the SE, and they will still not see each other! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I was assisting a customer with her new PowerBook 520. Early in the call she indicated to me that she had to get on the floor for a moment. I didn't think too much of it, but later when I asked her to open her Chooser and she told me again that she needed to get on the floor, I was curious. She told me she had to get down on the floor in order to be able to see the screen. I asked hesitantly, "Can you tilt the display back so that you can see it easier? After a very quiet moment she answered, "WOW!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The caller wanted training in her area and was having trouble finding a [local training provider]. During the course of locating a training provider for her she asked me if I could provide the training personally. I told her that I was in California and it would be a little difficult for me to come to Florida to do so. Her response was "Well, I work in a topless bar and use the computer there. Is that a good incentive to make the trip?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Lady from New York called and gave me family number from her keyboard, which turned out to be the original Extended Keyboard. Then I asked her what kind of computer she wanted to plug it into. Caller: One of my friends gave me an ImageWriter printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can't figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something? Agent: Well, a computer would help. Caller: You mean this keyboard isn't a word processor? Agent: (gently) No, M'am. It's just an input device. Caller: Then I need to buy a computer, right? Agent: Yes. Caller: Do you think I'll need a monitor, too? This went on for a couple of minutes, then I convinced her she needs a Performa, with everything bundled and ready to go. She liked that idea. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: I just got a Performa 6115 and my CD drawer doesn't work. Agent: What do you mean by "doesn't work?" Caller: The drawer doesn't open. Agent: Alright, sir. Would you please hit the little button that's right below the CD door. Caller: This little one? Right next to the CD drawer? Agent: Yes. Caller: Nothing happens. Agent: Okay, sir. Could I get you to turn the power on? Caller: Okay. Agent: (after hearing the startup chime) Would you hit the button now, please? Caller: Hey! You mean it has to be on in order to open? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I was helping a customer disconnect peripherals from the back of her machine. I asked her to tell me what was plugged into the back of her computer. Agent: OK. What do you have connected to the back of your computer? Caller: I have a printer, a modem and the system 7 module. Agent: Excuse me, but could you repeat the last item? Caller: The system 7 module. Agent: The System 7 What? Caller: It's the module to upgrade the system to 7.5. Agent: ...and it plugs into the back of your computer? Caller: Yes. Agent: Does this "Module" plug into anything else? Caller: It plugs into the wall outlet. Agent: M'am, that's the power cord. Caller: No, I can see the power cord, and this module is plugged in right next to it. Agent: M'am, there is no such thing as a System 7 module. Caller: Oh My goodness, I'm sorry. I forgot. It's the power supply to the HyperCard. Agent: M'am, HyperCard does not have a separate power supply. Would you mind following the cord from the outlet until you find what it plugs into? Caller: OK. Agent: (waiting for more than 10 minutes) Caller: It hooks into the printer.