118 ways Barney should die -------------------------- 1. Nitroglycerin suppository 2. Dr. Kevorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit 3. Paper cuts from hate mail 4. Wine press 5. Random act of terrorism 6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride) 7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter 8. Exploding gas barbeque 9. Date with Lorena Bobbitt/Tonya Harding 10. Rusty meat hook 11. Pulp digester/Saw mill 12. Sexually transmitted disease 13. Lethal injection of bean sprouts and tofu 14. Skydiving accident (his concrete parachute fails to open). 15. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!" 16. Exploding school bus 17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores. 18. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide 19. Sacrifice to a tribal god 20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder) 21. Trampled by thousands of tiny spongie feet 22. Asphixiation on a twinkie 23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck 24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round 25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box 26. Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road 27. Tail caught in elevator doors 28. Legalization of purple slavery 29. Home lobotomy kit 30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric) 31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal. 32. Thrown in a vat of bleach. 33. Close encounter with a white supremist. 34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine 35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor 36. Swarmed by killer bees 37. Purple parasites 38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel 39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow) 40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler. 41. Assilimation by the Borg. 42. Acupuncture with a nail gun 43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes. 43. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw 44. Hit and run at a school crossing 45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven. 46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad... 3, 2, 1, ignition! 47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during re-entry. 48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens 49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife. 50. Harpooned by a whaling ship 51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled with a baseball bat. 52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner 53. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?) 54. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full. 55. Mistaken for a Pinata 56. Run over by a zamboni 57. "I love you" song triggers avalanche. 58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train. 59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY. 60. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature. 61. Crushed between plates in a fault line. 62. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties 63. Inquiring minds want to know... What is the tensile strength of Barney? 64. Used as a crashtest dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt. 65. Barney becomes one with Oscar Mayer. 66. Barney used as shark bait. 67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study. 68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease. 69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons 70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk. 71. NATO air strike. 72. Live organ donor. 73. Egyptian mummificaton ritual. 74. Plummet into an active volcano. 75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants. 76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food. 77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer. 78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land. 79. Purple Jonestown reagent. 80. Visit to the taxidermist. 81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter. 82. Take him off Prozac. 83. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills. 84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath" 85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film. 86. Tar and feathered by crazed parents. 87. Spontaneous combustion. 88. Bludgeoned to purple paste. 89. Compressed to a singularity. 90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post. 91. Send him to a Bills' game dressed as a Miami Dolphin. 92. The plague 93. Extruded through microcapilliaries. 94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson. 95. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop. 97. Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms. 98. Massage with a stun gun. 99. Heat pastuerization. 100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie. 101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank. 102. Barney meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty pieces.) 103. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT. 104. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt. 105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap. 106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target. 107. Paint him green and give him to Gallagher for his Sledge-o-matic. 108. Paint him green and give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop. 109. Confine him with Marvin the Paranoid Android (Douglas Adams). 110. Put a horse collar on him and abandon him on alt.sex.beastiality. 111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge. 112. Paint "Branch Dividian and Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF headquarters. 113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbitt AFTER she gets her new set of Ginsu(tm) knives. 114. Barney scrapple. 115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa. 116. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masturbate. 117. Recreate the Challenger accident with Barney playing substitute teacher. 118. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.