Termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
 
 Two guys walk into a bar, which is really weird because after the 1st guy
 walked into it, you'd think the 2nd guy would've ducked.
 
 A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"
 
 A pork chop goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry,
 you're food, and we don't serve food here."
 
 This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and give me a mop."
 
 This fly walks into a bar and he walks up to a woman sitting at the bar and
 says, "I like that stool you're sitting on."
 
 "Hey Bartender, pour me a cold one." "Hey, go on, kid. You wanna get me in
 trouble?" "Maybe later. Right now I just want a beer."
 
 Two ropes go into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here. We don't serve
 ropes in here." The ropes go outside and one says to the other, "I have an
 idea." He ties himself up, messes up his hair, and goes back in. The bartender
 says, "Hey, no ropes." The rope says, "I'm not a rope." The bartender says,
 "You're not a rope?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
 
 This doctor got really stressed out at his job, and so he would stop every day
 and see his friend Dick the bartender on his way home. So Dick would know the
 doctor was coming, and he would have an almond daiquiri ready for the doctor,
 and the doctor would come in and have his almond daiquiri and come home. But
 one day, Dick ran out of almonds, and so he thought, "Well, the doctor won't
 know the difference." So he cut up this hickory nut, and made a daiquiri out
 of that. And the doctor came by, and he put it in front of the doctor. The
 doctor took a sip, and he said, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?" And Dick
 said, "No, it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
 
 So a Frenchman walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder. The
 parrot is wearing a baseball cap. And the bartender says, "Hey, that's neat.
 Where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France. They've got millions of
 them there."