T'was The Night Before Christmas
 And All Through the House
 Everybody Felt Shitty
 Even The Mouse.

 Mom At The Whorehouse
 And Dad Smoking Grass,
 I'd Just Settled Down
 For A Nice Piece Of Ass.

 When Out On The Lawn
 I Heard Such A Clatter,
 I Sprung From My Piece
 To See What Was The Matter.

 When Out On The Lawn
 I Saw A Big Dick.
 I Knew In A Moment
 It Must Be Saint Nick.

 He Came Down The Chimney
 Like A Bat Out Of Hell
 I Knew In A Moment
 The Fucker Had Fell.

 He Filled All Our Stockings
 With Pretzels And Beer
 And A Big Rubber Dick
 For My Brother The Queer.

 He Rose Up The Chimney
 With A Thunderous Fart.
 The Son Of A Bitch
 Blew The Chimney Apart.

 He Swore And He Cursed
 As He Rode Out Of Sight
 "Piss On You All
 And Have A Hell Of A Night!"