I often stand and meditate,
 Should I piss or masturbate?
 With my dick in my hand, everything's fun,
 So I usually piss, then shoot some cum. 
 
 How did they break up the Million Man March?
 They handed out job applications. 
 
 There's a guy with a Doberman pincher and a guy with a chijuajua.
 The guy with the Doberman pincher says to the guy with a chijuajua, "Let's go
 over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
 The guy with the chijuajua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with
 us."
 The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "Just follow my lead."
 They walk over to the restaurant. The guy with the Doberman pincher puts on a
 pair of dark glasses, and he goes to walk in.
 A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac. No pets allowed."
 The guy with the Doberman pincher says, "You don't understand. This is my
 seeing-eye dog."
 The guy at the door says, "A Doberman pincher?"
 He says, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
 The guy at the door says, "Come on in."
 The guy with the chijuajua figures what the hell.
 He puts on a pair of dark glasses and goes to walk in.
 The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."
 The guy with the chijuajua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye
 dog."
 The guy at the door says, "A chijuajua?"
 He says, "They gave me a chijuajua?" 
 
 A kid says, "Pop, what's a vagina look like?"
 His father says, "Son, before sex, a vagina looks like a pink rose, with soft,
 lovely petals, and the aroma of perfume."
 The kid says, "What about after sex?"
 His father says, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?" 
 
 Harry walks into work on Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.
 One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"
 Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I
 won a thousand bucks."
 A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down
 the hall, high-fiving everyone.
 One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"
 Harry says, "No, no. It's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket
 this past weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that I think
 I'm going to ask that new Pakistani girl in Accounting out on a date."
 The next Monday morning, Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.
 One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"
 Harry says, "No, no. It's better than that. You know that Pakistani girl from
 Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her
 up to my apartment for drinks. We wind up in bed, and the next thing I know,
 she's giving me the best blowjob I ever had."
 One of his co-workers says, "Man, are you frigging lucky."
 Harry says, "No, no. It's better than that. She's blowing me, I look down, and
 you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it... and I won another ten
 grand!" 
 
 What will a redneck's daughter say during sex?
 "Oh, Daddy... Be careful... You're crushing my Marborols!"
 
 A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side
 of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into
 the car.
 She says, "Look, it's shivering... It must be cold. What should I do?" 
 He says, "Put it between your legs."
 She says, "What about the smell?" 
 He says, "Hold its nose." 
 
 Norris goes to see his doctor for an exam.
 The doctor says, "Pull down your pants. I'm going to check your prostate."
 After a few minutes, Norris says, "Doc, why don't you pull your finger out of
 my ass and stop fucking around."
 The doctor says, "That's not my finger, and I'm not fucking around." 
 
 Three missionaries get caught by cannibals, and the cannibals throw them in a
 bamboo jail.
 The chief pulls one of them out of the bamboo jail and says, "You have two
 choices: death or bunga bunga."
 The missionary thinks to himself, "I don't want to die..." So he says, "I'll
 take bunga bunga."
 The chief says, "Ugh. Bunga bunga."
 The cannibals all start jumping up and down, grunting, "Bunga bunga! Bunga
 bunga!"
 Then they pull down his pants, bend him over a log, and they all fuck him in
 the ass.
 They throw him back in the bamboo jail, and he's bleeding, and moaning... I
 mean, he's got a few phone numbers... But for the most part, he's a hurtin'
 gherkin.
 They drag out the next missionary, and the chief says, "You have two choices:
 death or bunga bunga."
 The missionary looks back at the first guy, who's in really bad shape, but he
 doesn't want to die, so he says, "I'll take bunga bunga."
 The chief says, "Ugh. Bunga bunga."
 The cannibals all start jumping up and down, grunting, "Bunga bunga! Bunga
 bunga!"
 Then they pull down his pants, bend him over a log, and they all fuck him in
 the ass. And it's a lot worse for him, because of course it takes the
 cannibals a lot longer the second time.
 They throw him back in the bamboo jail, whelping like a dog that's been hit by
 a truck, and pull out the third missionary.
 The chief says, "You have two choices: death or bunga bunga."
 The third missionary sees the other two guys in total agony, and says, "I
 couldn't handle that. I'll take death."
 The chief says, "Ugh. Death. But first, bunga bunga."