Sunnyvale, CA. Nubility, Inc. is pleased to announce the availability of
 "LolitaWatch," a filter program for the Web and Net which alerts users about
 the presence of nubile, young teens (and even younger!). LolitaWatch operates
 by checking the federally-mandated "age bit."
 
 No longer will you be frustrated in trying to contact that 12-year-old girl,
 only to eventually learn she's a 44-year-old male playing mind games.  The
 President of Nubility, Pete Ofeil, said, "Hey, the government says that they
 have to wear a sign announcing their age. All we're doing is offering a
 service to our customers."
 
 (There is still the problem that the girl may be a boy, or vice versa,
 depending on your preferences, but this is likely to be solved as the
 "Fairness to Women and Other People of Color Protection Act," which
 mandates that a "gender bit" be set.)
 
 "LolitaWatch allows me to cut quickly to the chase, screening out the hags,"
 says Roy G. Biv, appreciator of young girls. "I've even rigged up my copy of
 LolitaWatch to automatically alert me when one of these nubile young things
 enters an IRC chat room!" he added with a sly grin.
 
 LolitaWatch is available immediately for Windows and Macintosh. No UNIX
 version is planned because UNIX users are, well, unix.