I love deadlines.  Especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying
 by.
 
 I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to
 bite people themselves.
 
 I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.
 
 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
 
 Am I getting smart with you?  How would you know?
 
 If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
 
 The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
 
 On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
 
 You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
 
 I don't suffer from stress.  I'm a carrier.
 
 I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 
 There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 1) Never tell everything you
 know.
 
 Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
 
 Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.